_{This is my story of how I found my sense of self and purpose, and how you can do the same.}

“I’m writing the book on how to stay conscious when you drown.”

Lauren Mayberry in How Not To Drown by CHVRCHES and Robert Smith.

In 2021, CHVRCHES collaborated with The Cure’s Robert Smith to write a poetic masterpiece about overcoming depression, fears, doubts and the controlling nature of others.

How Not To Drown, and much of the Screen Violence album, speaks much to how Lauren Mayberry often felt controlled by the music industry and unable to let her true voice be heard. But as a form of symbolism, it’s a beautiful (and slightly haunting) imagery about overcoming life’s struggles more broadly.

I look at Mayberry’s words as a beautiful juxtaposition between thinking clearly (staying conscious) in moments of crisis (drowning). When you give yourself a second to breathe, re-centre yourself, and remember what’s important, you can often handle whatever life throws at you with composure. I practice this art through daily reflections, centered around whether or not I’m putting myself one step closer to achieving my goals.

I have often found that the end of one year is often the best time to reflect on what you’d like to see change for the following year. At the end of 2022, I found myself in a wintery blue rut, feeling a lack of purpose, and more gravely, a true sense of self.

I sat down (or rather stood up), to write down the five key dimensions of life that I wanted to focus my attention toward for not just the upcoming year, but the entirety of my life. I asked myself “What do I really want out of life?”

Having a clear sense of purpose within these five pillars allowed me to re-shift my focus and recognize my ambitions as an attainable process that I could work toward each and every day. Crucially, the process also helped me identify what aspects of my life were helping me fly my rocket ship to space, and which were failing to serve their purpose in that quest.

A few days later I received a phone call about the possibility to take on a university teaching role, and made the decision to leave my boring 9-5 job that lacked purpose in my rocket-ship. I reconnected with the community where I felt at home, and tested the waters out on what it might look like to make a pair of hobbies my main source of income and lifestyle.

As I reflect on 2023, I know more than ever what it is that makes me (dare I say) amazing, the types of people I want to surround myself with, and where I want to continue taking my talents in the future. I think this is something that every young person should do, as it’s often easy to get swept up in the traditional pathways of working life; and the easier opportunities within a degree rather than the actualities behind how interests evolve.

For someone like myself with so many interests converging together, it became insensible to devote unrelenting attention to only one realm. 2023 evolved into the year in which I explored a foreign idea – living multiple dreams at once. I legitimized my running career in a way I never thought to be possible, taught my dream course at a university, conducted work for professional sports clubs, and coached professional athletes; all while having the freedom to live life on my own terms. All while still working at a place that I can truly call home; and surrounding myself with people that feel like family, even if they’re only friends. This is a relatively privileged position to hold, and I recognize that not everyone can leave the security of a 9-5 job or their chosen life pathway in the blink of an eye.

However, I think that everyone should take the time to deeply reflect about what they want out of life. Many young people I speak to either don’t know the answer to that question, or have already accepted their fate in living out a life prescribed by others. It doesn’t have to be this way. We all have a sense of purpose for what we want out of life, even if its hiding underneath the surface. So when you uncover what lies behind the ocean-tide, the best question to ask is – “How do I get there? What are the tangible steps I can take right now, and each and every subsequent day, to accomplish my ambitions?”

Having a clear sense of purpose and intentionality behind the daily routine is essential for all of us, even if the process of reflecting on those matters does not result in a great epiphany or life changing phone calls just a few days later (although, you never know!).

I teach a class that is essentially all about how to inspire other people. However, you can never inspire others to the fullest extent if you can’t do one thing first. On the final class of both terms this semester, this is where I left my students –

“Are you living life the way that you want, or the way that someone else wants you to? What are you doing to become the very best version of yourself each and every day? Because you cannot inspire others, if you cannot inspire yourself.”

RELATED: How can you inspire others, if you can’t inspire yourself?

If you can recognize whether or not your current life trajectory is setting you up for success, you can actively make steps to either change or reinforce what you’re doing. You can then move closer toward those ambitions, and live life with a greater sense of purpose (and self).

This process should not be a one-time reflection, but rather an ongoing deliberation. In doing so, not only will you stay conscious when you drown; but you will likely avoid drowning altogether.

In the words of Robert Smith in the second verse of the song:

I’m writing a chapter on what to do after they dig you up.

Robert Smith in ‘How Not To Drown’, written alongside CHVRCHES.

You don’t have to let life unfold this way. So what are you going to do to change your life for the better? Take the opportunity.

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