The best way to build confidence in others

In dozens of different articles on this website, I’ve written about how competence naturally breeds confidence. I’ve also mentioned how confidence naturally breeds competence. If we do something frequently enough, over an extended period of time, we will naturally become better. We might even master it. As that process unfolds, we will grow our own confidence in response. That confidence will then continue to breed subsequent competence by increasing positive feelings and comfort, thus breeding more confidence.

But in all the discussions about doing the work and making sure we spend the time working on our own improvement, we can’t forget that we actually have to enjoy what we do.

This is why it is essential that leaders focus on creating positive environments for people to excel. Why we have to show that we care. Why we have to create opportunities for them to make new friends. Why we have to create environments where they feel like they belong.

They have to feel like they belong. Like they are valued. Like they have the autonomy to make decisions in our environment. If we can increase social belonging through the friendships they form and the positive relationships they have to the caring leader(s), they will become both more competent and confident.

I asked my grade 5-6’s to reflect on the HIGH FIVE Principles for Healthy Childhood Development yesterday. I asked – which principle brings out confidence the most?

A beautiful thing happened. They each had a different answer. Five participants in the program, and all of them chose a different principle. That was even more valuable when the real answer is this: It needs to be a combination of so many different aspects. This applies to so many situations; not just in creating successful programs, but creating successful work environments and our day to day enjoyment on an intrinsic level.

We started with ‘Friends’. If we feel more comfortable around the people around us, we’re more likely to feel comfortable about the program itself, to feel like we belong, and to show our true selves.

Then ‘Participation’. If we get people involved in ways that are meaningful to them, where they have autonomy and choice, they are naturally going to feel like they belong. They are naturally going to then have the tools to develop the necessary skills, and gain confidence.

‘Mastery’ was an obvious one. If you work to improve, you’re naturally going to become more confident as you see your own improvement and success. No one came out of the womb being good at anything other than crying. But as we work on ourselves over the years and focus on our interests, we start to become naturally good at the things that we enjoy.

‘Play’ was less obvious. If we can have freedom to explore our own creative minds and develop our own ‘play-based’ experiences, we’re more likely to feel intrinsically motivated to return day after day, year after year. That will start to breed ‘Mastery’ and the confidence that follows with that competence.

But the most essential piece to the puzzle is the one we discussed last. ‘A Caring Leader’ has to be at the forefront of all of that. We have to show our participants that we care about them. We have to encourage them. We have to create environments for them to both fail and succeed. We have to help them realize why they are so amazing in so many different ways. Why they are already so much closer to their role models than they think. If we can do that and focus on our participants on an individual level, we will do wonders for developing their confidence.

It needs to start from the environment that you create. If the environment is off, if the people aren’t properly cared for, and if you don’t work to actually support them in ways that feel meaningful to their development paths, nothing else can fall into place. Long-term development can’t happen, the desire to practice something for 10,000 hours can’t happen. Confidence most certainly, can’t happen.

Focus on creating positive environments for people to thrive, and confidence will naturally fall into place in everything that you do. That’s confidence for both your participants, and yourself.

Thanks for reading and see you soon!