For the past two weeks, I’ve debated about this article.

Contemplated over it. Tried to wait for some kind of story ending to play out.

I want to write about all the runners out there who do the dumbest things only to never get injured.

I want to write about how unlucky I am yet again to have my progress stalled for what feels like the umpteenth time.

I want to write about how unfortunate it is to almost certainly need to drop from another race – what is now my fourth in a row.

But somehow, someway, I don’t think any of that is what I’ll end up writing about.

Instead, I wish to write about the journey that began back in 2018 when I tore my hamstring.

What likely started as a bit of post-race tightness turned into a full-blown tear as I continued to run immediately after competing in my local half-marathon that year.

It took four months of barely cross-training on a bike to finally learn that I needed to strengthen the muscle, and I returned about a month later.

Apart from a brief blimp of redemption at that same race a year later (before I learned how to be photogenic), it took five years to get back to elite level running, racing, competing and identity seeking.

Between May 2019 and March 2023, I ran zero races, prioritizing different career moves, my soccer website, and in all honesty, battling a complete lack of love for running.

I regained motivation in the sport almost as a freak accident, and immediately became entrenched in elite trail running from late 2022 onward. I spent another three months recovering from plantar fasciitis picked up from stress at work to then stake claim at the podiums of my first three trail races in 2023. I was slowly regaining something that had been lost, while building back my durability and injury resilience.

The injury-free train continued all the way until right before my fourth trail race – the 2024 Gorge Waterfalls 50K, where I picked up a freak quad injury the week of the race.

That injury then led to a series of related catastrophes, where I raced four more times on tired muscles and broken down bones.

After closing out a decent year despite racing through injuries, I spent the entirety of the second half of 2024 battling the effects of that April quad injury (by then it had moved into my knee). I also moved to a new province, making the treatment side of everything all the more difficult. That sucked, and it took a lot to be patient. But it was so much easier to be patient than that hamstrung 2018 (and all my other injuries, for that matter).

Thankfully too, as it ended up being the longest injury battle of my athletic career so far. Through the patience, I eventually fought my way back just before the start of 2025 – thinking that this could again be my year – a lucky odd year in the cycle just like 2023.

Then out of nowhere, catastrophe! (not to catastrophize anything).

The injury boiled back up just as I hit in a real groove in my training. Just when I thought it had gone for good (for the eighteenth, but most certain time). Just when I had enjoyed a really solid training week to round off six weeks of injury free running.

Catastrophe. Yet again.

And it is. Or so, it feels that way. I really wanted to prove something to myself at the Gorge Waterfalls 50K this year, after falling so far down the pecking order last year. I really wanted to get back into the swing of training, not least running in the mountains that I’ve moved to. I really wanted to get a 50K under my belt prior to Nationals in July, which admittedly is still some time away.

But as it turns out, my body, or the universe, or life, has other plans for me.

And I don’t even know if everything happens for a reason or if things just happen randomly. I don’t know if things are avoidable or not.

What I do know is that it took five years to physically and mentally return from injury the last time it lasted that long. It’s a long process to get motivated again. Not only to get fit again. Back into a motivated, mentally free, injury free state. And not to woe is me – but especially when you’ve got a body as broken as mine from all the previous injuries it’s had.

I’m recognizing that it’s going to take time to get back from this knee injury. I’m recognizing that a 50K three months after returning may not have ever been the most feasible option, and that I’m possibly just doing myself a favour by taking more time off right now.

It sucks. It’s uncertain. It’s what I’ve had to deal with so many times.

But none of those thoughts are actually going to help me heal. So I just need to get my head down and do what I’ve done 100% of the times I’ve been injured for any length of time. Focus on healing, bounce back, and come out of it both mentally and physically stronger.

Any kind of catastrophizing any more isn’t going to help.

Instead I have to channel all my anger over the situation into genuine smiles and laughter, and hope for better in the long-term future, even if not the short-term. Life’s not about the short-term anyway.

I have to continue to listen to those around me who want to help me heal and get back to where I belong. Like Jade, who structured an absolute blinder of a six weeks to get me back to solid fitness, with the most logical training progression and detailed work anyone else has ever put into my training.

Like Danielle & Cypress Physio, who have been the only medical professionals to actually agree that something might be wrong with me and need further attention, and actually provide solutions that I can try to get my knee back into shape.

Like Aislinn and my mom, who are always the first to try and help me feel better.

And like XACT Nutrition, who continue to provide me endless support, and fuel for my cross-training endeavours.

I will be back someday I’m sure, whether it takes two more months, two more years, or even two more injuries. One day, and one day soon enough or maybe far away in the long-term, I’ll be right where I want to be.

Thanks for reading and see you soon.