I can remember when birthdays felt like the biggest deal in the world. When for that entire day, my normal veins had been replaced by ones bursting with invincibility. When East Side Mario’s’ all you can eat salad and bread still hit so hard.

This year, no one even knew!

If it hadn’t been for Aislinn’s constant reminders and the myriad of texts from family and friends back home, I might have genuinely been one of the ‘no one that even knew’. I had to remind myself so many times that today was in fact my birthday.

I made no fuss about it, no arranged plans, no friend hangouts, no “cake cake cake” as Rihanna says. No nothing! Just work meetings, a blister-filled run, and boxed delivery sushi courtesy of Aislinn.

And it feels weird being at an age that is ripe with its own inherent identity crisis.

I feel young. But I’m old now (I think?). I mean, I feel younger and more behind in life than I felt at 23 (all the way to 27). I don’t feel any wiser, although there was that time a friend said I sounded like I’d been alive for 400 years. That was fun.

If I was a professional in most other sports, I’d be considered past my prime, having already reached my full potential. Ready to be replaced by some fresh out of the draft 19-year-old.

But 28’s not that old, right? Most people in the world are older than 28, after all. And I literally just said “you’re still young” to a 34-year-old the other day. So I’m still young too! Right?

It was only two years ago when I was a “young trail runner breaking onto the scene”. If classified as such at the age of 26, am I still young now? Or did I only have one good year as a “young” trail runner?

What a weird age.

And perhaps it’s the weirdness of the age that has led me to have an equally weird birthday.

I can remember so many birthdays with that feeling of invincibility and the all about me Anne Marie energy.

Today, since no one in my new town really, really knew (like marked in their calendars level of knowingness), no one (in person) actually said the words “Happy Birthday”. No presents. No cake. NO CAKE CAKE CAKE!

How will Rihanna ever make her next birthday hit without CAKE CAKE CAKE?!

And I set it up that way. Partially from moving across the country not too long ago. Partially from supposedly, not wanting the attention.

I wonder if I wanted it this way because, well, I feel kind of old now? Because as much as I love being in front of groups (like teaching big university classes), I still don’t love attention, especially not for what feels unearned. I’m happy for this day to be about anything else, and not me.

But it certainly feels weird to look back on all those feelings of invincibility and just spending the day doing whatever I wanted to do, to now having to remind MYSELF of the occasion.

And actually, I must remind myself that this week I was supposed to be in Arizona with Aislinn, about to compete at the historic Black Canyon race weekend, alongside a mix of friends and trail running royalty. That would have been fun.

But alas, my injury woes persisted to a place where plans had to shift from initial intentions. And I’m sure as life goes on, plans will continue to shift from initial intentions. That much is certain.

Why it’s okay for your vision to evolve from initial intentions

But as I write this article, I’m still completely uncertain about two key things:

1. Why did I feel the need to make today about anything else other than me?
2. What am I afraid of now at the age of 28?

Is it the fact that I still don’t have it all figured out? If so, that’s silly. I don’t envision 80-year-old me having it all figured out either.

Is it the fact that I, at the very least, have it way less figured out than I did at 23, or 25, or 27? If so, that too is silly (and possibly untrue?).

I’ve grown a lot in many ways, such as through the evolution of my running, writing, and relationships. Sure, I’m doing far less in my career these days. But that will change soon enough again. Life is never meant to be linear anyway.

Sometimes you need to go backward to go forward, and sometimes you’re not really going backward at all. No one at 28 has it figured out, and it’s okay to admit that I don’t either. I probably won’t at 38, 48, or 88. That’s the fun in life.

So here’s to…

• Not having it figured out.
• Not having as big career opportunities as I did at 23, 25 or 27.
• Personal growth in other facets of life.
• Being a darn good young trail runner.
• Having much to look forward to – especially if my horoscope is to be believed.

Here’s to 28.

Thanks for reading and see you soon!