The crystal ball is cracked

On a random April night, Apple Music’s algorithm randomly showed me my FAVOURITE SONG EVER.

Katie Pruitt’s Phases of the Moon struck me as one of the most beautiful ballads I’d ever stumbled across, and instantly became the winner of my favourite song of 2024 within that same hour. Since then, I’ve listened over 300 times, shared many a tear, and even wrote one of my favourite pieces inspired by the song. It’s only fitting that I end my Christmas Countdown with this song, especially when its strong words of wisdom spoke to me on so many levels this year.

INSPIRED BY PHASES OF THE MOON

Historically, I’ve been a bit of a fortune teller. I love to share grand visions of the future. I love to predict where life might go. I love to hypothesize about all that I want out of life.

This is all so valuable to do. It is so valuable to know where you want to go in life, and exactly where you want to spend your time and energy.

But this year I’ve come to one of life’s harshest realizations.

It’s great to know what you want out of the future. It’s great to have a clear idea of where you’re going. But more often than not, the crystal ball is cracked.

That is, the life you envisioned does not always pan out the way you intended.

“Been trying to believe in magic. But these spells I’m conjuring, they just won’t cast. And I thought I saw my future. But it turns out that the crystal ball was cracked.” – Phases of the Moon, Katie Pruitt

This could be a blanketed, depressing viewpoint to take. That no matter what we do or how hard we try, our lives aren’t going to work out the way we wanted.

We’ve all heard it! “Life doesn’t always go the way you want!!“

When told this as a child, I’m sure it was said in the context of dropping a banana muffin or getting socks for Christmas. But it was still one of life’s most valuable and ever-present phrases, and one that I often have to remind myself on the hardest of days.

Not to be a big-time Negative Nelly, but I don’t know if life has ever turned out the way I wanted. Certainly not the way I imagined. Certainly not for more than a day or two.

Any time I’ve wanted something or hypothesized about my future, I’ve quickly learned that the future looks very different than what I imagined.

This idealistic view of everything being perfect once ‘X’ happens (for example once I have my dream job) is completely unrealistic. I’ve had my dream job four times, in four different dream jobs, and each time ended up leaving in pursuit of something grander. Each time, I made the decision to leave in pursuit of what I perceived to be a better path. A path that I thought would do away with the specific problems associated with the present.

OKAY RHYS, BUT YOU GO WITH THE WIND!

Maybe the wind actually takes you somewhere. If there wasn’t something worth fighting for, something challenging you complexly on a daily basis, wouldn’t you be a bit bored? I certainly would.

Humans of the past literally stayed alive thanks to stress mechanisms. If we were never worried, we would never have survived.

And while it’s not always fun in the moment, that’s where you learn life’s most profound and meaningful lessons.

Believe me, I know. It hurts so much to care. It hurts so much to watch your hopes and dreams take off into the air.

But every time the fire dies, something new comes to replace it.

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple crystal balls. There’s nothing wrong with getting a new crystal ball once the original one becomes cracked. There’s nothing wrong with changing the dream.

But to think that you will one day reach pure and unabashed happiness is setting you up for a lifetime of never being truly happy.

Even if you have your dream job or your dream life, it’s not as though you are ever going to reach a state of being happy all the time. So if anything, it’s useful to recognize that upon your impending arrival, the crystal ball may be cracked. After all, that’s not the important part to the puzzle.

What matters more, and dare I say, what is actually more fun, lies within the art of exploration. Having that idealistic view of the future can and should always just be a small piece to the puzzle propelling you in the present. In actuality, you don’t need to know the ending.

For what feels like the first time in my life, I don’t really know where I want to go next in my life. And for the first time in my life, I’m completely comfortable in that state. I know it’s easier said than done, but the ending to the story is not important.

What matters more is what you are doing right now. What you are focusing on in the present to set you up for that future success.

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And if you get there and want something new, that’s totally okay. Because it’s not about the ending. No story is about the ending. Every story is about what happens in between. The wild and unexpecting events that you take to get there. That’s the fun part.

When the book is finally over, don’t you want more?

For most of us in our 20s (especially), we are constantly thinking about our identities. Who we are. What we want to do. Why we’re not at the same stage as others. We’re constantly comparing ourselves. We’re constantly thinking that we have no idea what we’re doing.

Little known secret – that’s part of the fun. Part of the fun is going through all the trials and tribulations. Part of the fun is discovering. Finding out that something isn’t for you. Finding out that something else very much is. The discovering is the important part, not the ending.

When you get to 80 years old, are you going to want that ending to come? Probably not. More likely, you’re going to look back on your younger self and wish you took more risks. Wish you spent more time with friends and loved ones. Wish you did all of these things that you could so easily put into motion right now.

The crystal ball is, and quite sadly, will be cracked. And it’s not even your job to repair it. It’s only your job to realign expectations, and adjust.

As for the ending? Personally, I don’t want to know the ending. I just want to experience the now, and continue to discover what matters most, no matter how many times that may evolve. If prayers are wishes that never come true, I’m okay with that. Life will be more fun that way, anyway, and anyhow.

The rest of this series:

10. Someone Better – Alexa Cappelli
9. Asking for a Friend – CHVRCHES
8. Lightning & Thunder – Marianas Trench
7. Next Best Thing – Tenille Arts
6. Temporary – Alexa Cappelli
5. Slide Away – Miley Cyrus
4. Used To Be Young – Miley Cyrus
3. Please Please Please – Sabrina Carpenter
2. Write One – Karley Scott Collins
1. Phases of the Moon – Katie Pruitt