Christmas comes this time each year.

And this Christmas, I’m counting down twelve of my favourite songs to listen to in 2024, writing articles inspired by each one. More from this series can be found in the carousel below.

This one, on the third day of Christmas, is inspired by my most played song of the past four months in a row. It’s Sabrina Carpenter’s Please Please Please.

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INSPIRED BY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

“Do you know who Sabrina Carpenter is?” My mom asked.
“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T PROVE I’M RIGHT!” I sang in anguish.

Sabrina Carpenter is one of the defining artists of the year, and it’s only fitting that she boasts two of my most played songs of 2024. Please Please Please could so easily be written as the prequel to my other favourite of hers, Feather, as it’s all about ignoring all the red flags within a toxic relationship and persisting on, hoping that something will change so that you don’t have to.

This is what I did for about three years in my former workplace, and for far too long within the childish adult relationships that existed there for my final year.

Admittedly, this won’t be the most joyous of Christmas themed articles, nor does it even have the most positive spin like the other two so far. This one is all about avoiding the same mistakes that I, and possibly Sabrina, did in persisting past the point of pain.

But here’s the thing. We’ve all been there before. After I wrote Relationships aren’t meant to be toxic, the ocean surfaced far into the shore and I found myself flooded with messages from others that have been there before.

For whatever reason, even when we know something is a mistake, we persist in the hope that it might not be. I did this on so many occasions this year, most famously in how I injured myself.

When you’re in it…when you’re really in it…it’s incredibly difficult to pull away. To forego and forget about something (or someone) that has become such an integral part of your everyday life and even your identity. It’s never easy to place someone (or something) on the Enemy List – even if they fully deserve it and always have. Even if everyone else tries to tell you that they don’t think it’s best for you to continue. Passion and “love” will often prevail.

This is essentially what Sabrina speaks to in Please Please Please. All her friends tell her to be careful of her relationship, and she even sees the red flags herself. She knows that he’s a good actor, that there’s ‘a devil’ inside of him, and that she best not be seen with him out in the real world.

Yet, she persists. Instead, she begs him not to prove those thoughts right. She even challenges herself by saying that she normally has good taste and good judgement. She wouldn’t make such an error. She can see through the bad.

And perhaps that’s her problem. She sees all the good. She SEES all the bad. But she’s romanticizing the good so much that the bad becomes peripheral.

I’ve been there. I’ve repeatedly been told that either something should change, or I should be the one to make the change. I always hope that ‘the something’ will change, so that I don’t have to be the one to make the move myself. Consequentially, I continue to exist in a state where nothing ever changes.

But as it turns out, when things are so clearly not right, you often have to be the one to make the change. Otherwise, all the nouns will continue to take advantage of you.

Sometimes you need someone (or something) more harsh to come in and make the change for you, which is ultimately what ended up happening in my situation.

However, the red flags simply cannot be ignored, especially after you’ve done your part in trying to talk through all the red flags. When you’ve done your part in explaining the ways in which you can more easily live in a state of green. If they’re persistently not receptive to that or unwilling to take any action, you have every reason to see red and be more drastic in making a positive change for you.

I’ve referenced Someday is Today by Matthew Dicks in a few other articles now. Despite it being a glorious book centered around being more productive as a creator, it’s a line written about relationships that has perhaps most deeply resonated with me.

“If you are dating someone whom the majority of your friends do not like, stop dating that person immediately…When it comes to romantic relationships, group consensus is always correct.” – Matthew Dicks

The same goes for toxic workplaces just as much as toxic relationships. Your friends and family are often able to give you a balanced, outside perspective based on factual information because they deeply care about you and your success. The best ones aren’t afraid to be harsh with you, which is what no less than ten friends and family all did as they agreed about the appropriate course of action across the board. Yet, I persisted for far too long until it blew up in my face and caused a truly miserable time.

That part is over now, but it’s well worth pointing out that all of the hurt could have been avoided far earlier had I listened. Had I tried not to prove them wrong, like Sabrina in Please Please Please.

If you know someone (or something) is a good actor, or that the devil’s inside of them, don’t wait for them to change. You have to be the one to make the change first.